Where Do Babies Come From?
by hochmodel
Summary: Vanellope innocently asks where new characters come from, resulting in a hysterically laughing Calhoun, a blushing and stammering Felix, and a smirking Ralph. I do not own, and cite for idea inside.


**I got this idea from Tatayla on Deviantart. It's called Where Do What Now? V.2**

Ralph put his menu aside and let out a giant burp. Vanellope giggled. Calhoun rolled her eyes and secretly smiled. Felix glared at him, lecturing him about proper manners in public areas.

The four decided to go out for a day at a new restaurant in the Central Station, called the Litwack Food Shack, in honor of their kind and patient "employer". Since Tappers was really one of the only places to acquire food, some of the programs whipped together a new restaurant to pass the time. The four, believing that they had not seen each other in a long time and enjoyed their day off of work, decided to spend some time together.

"Oh Fix-it, give it a rest!." Calhoun said, smiling. "It's not like he brought cybugs back into _Sugar_ _Rush_."

Ralph looked at her questioningly. "I'm sorry, but are cybugs ALL you TALK about?" She glared in response.

"Yeah! Besides, stink-brain's burps are hilarious!" Vanellope exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

"So, whatcha all gonna order?" Ralph quickly asked, eager for a change in subject.

"I'm having the chocolate cake!" Vanellope said.

"No, you're not." Ralph stated, frowning. "You are always eating sugar."

"But my game is _Sugar Rush, _A-duoy!" Vanellope replied defiantly.

"Captain Underpants, you are eating something healthy today and that is final!"

"Um, I don't remember dying and making you king!"

Calhoun chuckled as the two fought. "The two are really sweet together."

"What do you mean, hun?" Felix asked, a curious look on his face.

"How he assumes the older brother role in her life. It's nice to see the two of them act like a family." She clarified. Felix glanced at them, fondly.

"Yeah. I guess you're right."

"I'm always right." She said, which caused him to chuckle.

Vanellope and Ralph finally settled and decided on the chicken nuggets.

"How are those any healthier again?" She muttered. Felix chuckled.

"Just go with it."

"Hey guys, I'm gonna use the bathroom. Be right back." Ralph stated, getting out of his chair.

"But I have to ask you something!" Vanellope whined.

"Just ask Felix." Ralph walked off.

"What do you need to know, miss?" Felix asked sweetly, taking a gulp of his water.

"Where do new characters come from?" She asked innocently.

Felix violently spit out his water, his face in the utmost mortification. Calhoun shook with laughter, her loud echos filling their small corner.

"Co-co-come again?" Felix asked nervously, a blush creeping up his cheeks.

Vanellope looked at him, confused. "Where do new characters come from?"

"I-eh-um...I..." he stuttered, trying to clear his nervous mind. It was not helping that his wife was banging on the table in addition to her ever-growing laughter.

"I mean, you and Sargent Smiles (sarcastic nickname, of course) are married, so you probably are considering kids. Do you do whatever you do to create new characters?" By this time, Calhoun had fallen out of her chair from laughing so hard. Felix's face turned twice as red.

"We...I...uh..wh-what makes you want to kn-know?" He gulped, inwardly praying for a miracle so he doesn't have to explain this. His wife had stopped laughing by this time, and was wiping the tears of mirth from her eyes.

"I'm just curious. I mean, new characters have to come from somewhere. Why is it so embarrassing?" She asked, confused. "I mean, what do you do?"

"How about you ask Tamora?" He replied quickly.

"This one is all on you, soldier." She said, chuckling. "Felix is better at explaining it." he leaned into his ear. "Just as good as he is at doing it," she whispered, causing his face to turn cherry red once more and his entire body to tense up.

"Do you guys do naughty things like grab each other's butt or something?" Vanellope asked, smirking. Calhoun's hard laughter returned, and Felix all but had a heart attack.

"I-I t-tell you when you're older..." he said, feigning calmness.

"But I'm never gonna get older!" she whined. "Can't you just tell me now?"

"Hey guys. Whoa, what did I miss?" Ralph asked, looking thoughtfully on a laughing Calhoun, an annoyed Vanellope, and a VERY red and VERY embarrassed Felix.

"Ralph, where do new characters come from?"

"I'm sorry, what?!" Ralph shouted, causing several people to glimpse at the action. "I-I...ask Felix."

"OH COME ON!" He shouted, causing Calhoun, to double over in laughter once again.

"Co-ha-come on, missy. I'll tell you." She took Vanellope's hand and guided her out of the restaurant. "Order for us, boys."

A long, awkward silence passed between the two men. "So..." Felix began.

"Um..."

"Yeah..."

"..."

"What are you hungry for?"

"I-"

Suddenly Vanellope's voice was heard from out in the station, causing many onlookers to turn. "EEEEEEEEWWWWW! THAT'S HOW NEW CHARACTERS ARE MADE?! **THAT'S WHAT YOU AND FELIX DO?! THAT'S SO GROSS!**"

Felix buried his cherry face in the menu, hiding from a smirking Ralph. "Didn't know you had it in you."

"Please be quiet." Felix muttered into his menu.


End file.
